Lez Ball: Preseason
The WNBA season officially starts on May 16th. The preseason appetizer has been served, giving us insight into the main course. Or does it? Uncertainties abound, one thing is for sure: lesbians.
Happy 2025 WNBA season to all who celebrate!
The off-season gave us a new team, huge trades, and monumental drafts. And now with the preseason in full swing, we finally get to reap what’s been sowed. To put into perspective just how chaotic it was, every team was affected by player movement, retirements, and/or new coaches.
Here’s What You Missed
There were nearly two dozen trades in the off-season alone (thanks to all the mingling at Unrivaled no doubt!). Just to name a few:
Jewell Loyd to the Las Vegas Aces
Kelsey Plum to the LA Sparks
Li Yueru to the Seattle Storm
Natasha Cloud and Isabelle Harrison to the New York Liberty
Brittney Griner to the Atlanta Dream
Courtney Vandersloot to the Chicago Sky
Satou Sabally and Alyssa Thomas to the Phoenix Mercury
DeWanna Bonner and Sophie Cunningham to the Indiana Fever
Tiffany Hayes and Kate Martin drafted to the Golden State Valkyries
Then, two lesbian legends of the game, Diana Taurasi and Elena Delle Donne announced their retirements.
However, France’s Dominique Malonga and DT Jr. Paige Bueckers are now coming in as the next generation of WNBA superstars.
Additionally, eight of the teams replaced their head coaches, plus a new team this season.
Not to mention this season will feature 44 games, most of which will be nationally broadcast. Finals will now be the best of seven games instead of the best of five.
2025 has already been a crazy year. And the WNBA isn’t exempt from that.
Not Bad, Kid
Sure, it’s great to reunite with familiar faces. But seeing the rookies in their new W jerseys is always a moment. While everyone is still talking about last year’s rookie class, don’t sleep on the new kids this year. They’ve already made an impact.
Did some of us get emotional seeing Paige Bueckers in a jersey that isn’t UConn’s? Maybe so… It ain’t about that right now.
But her first outing with the Wings was not bad. Not bad at all. She wasn’t dropping a 40 piece, but she was very efficient, shooting 57.1% on the field. There is always a steep learning curve for rookies, and Paige is no exception. But she looked very comfortable with her new threads. And judging by the Wings’ social media posts, she’s already bonded with her seniors.
Meanwhile, other rookies are getting their Welcome to the W moment. Sonia Citron’s moment has already been turned into countless memes. Running into a screen is bad enough, but running into a BG screen will have the last eight generations of your ancestors feeling that pain. Citron is a good sport, though, and doesn’t seem to mind the jokes.
On the other end of the spectrum, Kiki Iriafen let everyone know she is here and not to be trifled with. During the Mystics preseason game against the Fever, she threw Sophie Cunningham to the floor like it was a WWE match. But, ultimately was all smiles about the ordeal. This is less of a welcome to he W moment and more of a, “Y’all better watch out, I’m here now” moment.
What happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas. Not only did Aces rookie Deja Kelly go off in the 4th quarter, she hit the game winning shot. This just goes to show that you shouldn’t count someone out just because they’re not a big name.
Not bad all around. My only advice would be to get in the gym and gain some weight. This isn’t college anymore. These grown women will body you off the ball with no mercy.
Ballhalla, I Am Coming
Speaking of rookies, we saw the debut of the leagues newest team, the Golden State Valkyries. 17,428 people attended the team’s inaugural preseason game. If you had any doubts that the league is growing, let that number put it to rest. Over 17,000 people came out to see a new team with no huge names at a preseason game. Hopefully, this trend continues for the Toronto and Portland team.
But how did they do on their first outing? Not bad! Sure they lost to the Sparks, but they came back from a double-digit deficeit and only lost by a point. The Valkyries will spend the season building chemistry, figuring out their starting five, and learning how to be a team. And in my honest lesbian opinion, the Valkyries have the best color scheme in the W.
Gayest Team in the League?
Last season, the New York Liberty had the most lesbian starting lineup with three of the five being lesbians (Stewie, JJ, Sloot). Even if Tash Cloud and her girlfriend Izzy Harrison are in the starting five, the Liberty’s throne has been usurped by an unlikely contender. The Dallas Wings now have the gayest starting five. Not a single straight woman in sight ALLEGEDLY.
Plus, they get bonus points because two of them are a couple.
Preseason Predictions
We’ve seen every team play a game at this point. So can we confidently predict how the regular season will shape up? Nope! Why you ask? There are several factors to consider.
First, as mentioned above, every team looks drastically different this year. Preseason games usually have starters sit out most of the second half while rookies fight for their right to stay on the roster. And the cuts have been coming in every day since the first game. So, it’s tough to make any predictions that aren’t obvious like the Aces will be a threat. Of course they will be, we know that! I can for sure that we’ll have another great year of basketball.
On top of that, you have the mile-long injury report we already have. Some players are slated to be back soon, while others are completely out for the season thanks to our eternal nemesis, the ACL. My knees hurt just thinking about it. But hopefully once FIFA conducts their study on the link between the menstrual cycle and ACL tears, we’ll finally have a way to protect female athletes.
And to be quite frank, historically preseason hasn’t always been the best indication of how a team will do during the regular season. Just take last season as an example. The Liberty flopped their preseason games while the Sparks won both of theirs. Next thing you know, the Liberty wins the championship while the Sparks finished at the bottom of the table.
For the teams, preseason allows them to spot mistakes, edit, revise, and in some cases, completely rebuild.
For the fans, preseason is for us to get ready for the ensuing chaos.